3 Weeks with Nathan and Lots of Learning: Following the Bonding Rules

       Our first three weeks with Nathan have been wonderful. We've laughed, we've cried, and we've been learning as we go.  Pretty normal for parenthood, I've been told. We've also been dealing with something a little more "atypical", the issues surrounding an adopted child.
       Greg and I had to read several books, take online courses, and attend a 5 week class at Children's. Along with all of that, we've had some guidelines suggested by our agency on how to transition Nathan to our home. Now, I must admit, I am a rule follower, and these guidelines seemed a little...harsh.  We were told to coccoon for 6 weeks, allowing NO ONE else to care for Nathan but the two of us. At one point, they even said if people wanted to help, they could do the grocery shopping and the laundry and we can leave things at the doorstep for them. (Seriously? I really don't need that, but that's how serious they are!) Basically, we should "shut down" the house for 6 weeks. We were also told to "wear" Nathan in a carrier for 6 hours a day. All of these things would create a secure bond and provide Nathan with time to adjust to so many new things.
     So, we came home and followed some of the rules.  SOME.  Greg and I are the only ones feeding him and changing him, putting him to bed, and so on. BUTTTTTTT,  because he seemed to be attached to me at the hip, we thought he was bonding well. Until bedtime.  He's bonded, but after speaking with two adoption professionals today, they both think this is a really anxious bond. He's so worried that I'm not going to be there when he wakes up, that it's torture getting him to nap or sleep at night, and when he does finally get to sleep, it's broken up. He wakes 2-3 times a night wanting me. I've been sleeping on an air matress by his crib, not the best place anyway. Add that to late bedtimes, multiple wakings, and early risings, and Mommy is wiped out. Right now, I'm sure all of you moms out there are saying "Welcome to my world!".  I know, I know, I feel your pain.  I had one of those moments of desperation this morning at about 10:50 when I laid Nathan in his crib for the 3rd attempt and said out loud, "Please God, let this baby sleep".
     God had my back, and at 11:00 he was still asleep when our adoption education coordinator, one of the professionals I mentioned above, called to check in. Great timing!  After I explained everything, she really emphasized how important these next 6 weeks are for Nathan, and that we have to make some decisions for the three of us.
      Many of you know, I'm not very good at saying NO to anything, but, as she said, it's laying the groundwork for his development. We have to start limiting visits to family, and wearing Nathan more (the wearing is the easy part). All of you have supported us and we're so anxious to allow you to see and get to know Nathan. And, as you all know, we're kind of "social" people, so I hate that I have to tell you that you can't come over right now.
   So, this is a hard blog to write. I'm hoping all of you out there who've been awaiting the "visitor permit" understand and are willing to wait a few more weeks. We are hoping it's not 6 weeks, and we'll just have to see how Nathan's sleeping goes. In the meantime, I am going to go NUTS if I don't get to interact with people for 6 weeks, so be prepared. Instead of visits, there may be phone calls!  I still want to hear what's going on out there in the world!
   Despite my moaning and groaning about lack of sleep, this little boy is truly the light of our lives. All he has to do is smile, and I forget that he was thrashing around in a tantrum hours earlier :)  Thanks to all for understanding, and pray for a "secure bond" in the next few weeks.

Nathan doesn't just wake Greg and I up, he likes to check out Ellie when she naps on the couch as well!

My little froggy after bathtime.

Nathan got to meet Micah, another little one adopted from Taiwan. Micah's only 4 months older than Nathan.
We're so lucky we met his family. The Walls family  held Nathan when they picked up Micah at Hannah's Hope in June! One of my good friends happened to randomly  meet Micah's mom at Entertrainment Junction, and told her about us. Natalie, Micah's mom, was a teacher at Mason!!! Now Nathan will have a playmate here who has been in the same orphanage.  Amazing how things work, isn't it?